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Have you ever met someone who always make you angry? How about someone
who always upset you. And do you always have to be with someone you
don't like?
Being together with people you like is a blessing. However once a
while, some people may come along and hurt you.
Long term relationship problem may stress you up
mentally. It may even affects your health and makes you sick. Previous
relationship problem can also hunt your memory for the rest of your
life. This of course negatively affect your current life style.
Is there a way to improve these relationship problems? I may not have
the answer to all cases. But here are some suggestion you may want to
try.
Reflection
Let say you have some relationship problem with someone. It may be your
husband, your child, your relative or your friend. Let's call him John.
Now try this exercise.
Find a quiet and comfortable place. Sit comfortably and close your eyes
for 10 minutes. Clear your mind from any thoughts. Just concentrate on
your breathing.
Then open your eyes and write down what has happended between you and
John that upset you. You can choose one incident that you remembered
the most. Or you can choose the indicent that first pops out in your
mind. Write this incident in as much detail as possible. For example:
- who was involved
- what exactly happened
- when it happened
- where it happened
- what was the result
Then, write down your answer to the following
questions:
- Through John, what can I see of myself?
- Have I done anything I should not towards John?
- Is there anything I do not wish John to know?
- Through this incident, what can I learn?
- What should I do now?
If you don't have the answer in the beginning,
repeat the question several times until the answer pops out. Try to
answer these questions instinctively. Do not analyze it. Just listen to
your inner voice and write it down.
You can go over these questions a few times untill you feel you have
written down everything. You can then go through the same process with
other people with whom you have relationship problem.
Who to
change?
It is very difficult to change other people. And most people want to
change everyone except themselves. Of course, they eventually find
themselves circling in an endless rat race. The same problem keeps
coming back again and again.
However, there is one thing you can do differently... change yourself.
By changing yourself, you may discover people around you gradually
change with you too. Even your world changes with you.
No matter how bad the situation is, never point your finger to others.
Just look into your heart and feel what is happening inside you. Why do
you attract this person into your life? Why you and not the others?
If you need to, apologize to the other person even if she is still a
little kid.
Remember, change yourself and your world changes with you.
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